by Gregory Skala
Sixty years ago, in grade school, I was introduced to the fun of writing haiku. I stuck with the 5–7–5 syllabic pattern for decades. In retirement, though, I learned from on-line haiku contests and from fellow members of my local writers’ group that poetic flow and other characteristics of haiku may be more important than the 5–7–5 pattern when writing in English. Now, I have also begun to compose haiku in French, even though my knowledge of la belle langue, based on high school French, is inexpert. My intention in the present article is to urge Canadian poets to dare to have a go at writing haiku in whichever of our country’s official languages they did not learn first.
Please consider two of my haiku ideas, each presented in both French and English, which I believe work poetically in both languages:
la femme de ménage cleaning lady
en dehors de la classe de ballet outside the ballet class
très très gracieuse oh so lissome
Now, gracieuse is not the exact equivalent of lissome, and I did also consider either élégante or souple for my French haiku. I also tweaked the English last line, using oh so rather than very very. By the way, because French uses so many prepositions, articles, and partially voiced vowels, fretting about too precise a syllable count would be particularly limiting. That second line in the French haiku above could be tallied at either nine or ten syllables, yet it reads musically and does not seem excessively lengthy.
Here is the next example of a well-enough-matched pair:
l’espoir du dragon— a dragon’s wish—
que l’alimentation épicée that spicy food
favorise la longévité may favour long life
My French dragon here actually has a hope, while my English dragon has a wish. I make no apology for a poet’s discretion. I simply prefer the sounds of l’espoir and wish. Of course, not everyone may agree with me that both the French and English haiku are successful, but they ring true to me.
For the following pairs, though, the French version clearly flows best:
un jeu de billard a game of billiards
par les démolisseurs by demolition workers
sur une table fissurée on a cracked table
To my ear, the English version sounds like prose, and it conveys irony less well than the French version. I could continue working to improve the English version, but the French one pleases me enough that I hardly feel motivated to do so.
The point of presenting the previous case, and the next, is that it is appealing to discover that some ideas are better suited to one language than another. Though I haven’t given examples here of poetic ideas that worked better in English, I have written some like that, too.
Here again, I favour the French:
dans la pataugeoire in the wading pool
un papillon noyé a drowned butterfly
les enfants pleurent the children cry
There is more alliteration in the French version and a greater sense of pathos.
Even if you have only minimal knowledge of an official language of Canada’s that still beckons you to make some haiku attempts, do not despair. On-line translators and dictionaries can enable you to take up the challenge. I advise, though, that more than one such source should be used, if that is the approach you take, and they should be cross-checked. Otherwise, comical mistakes may spoil the effect of your poetry.
Gregory Skala
Nanaimo, BC
Sixty years ago, in grade school, I was introduced to the fun of writing haiku. I stuck with the 5–7–5 syllabic pattern for decades. In retirement, though, I learned from on-line haiku contests and from fellow members of my local writers’ group that poetic flow and other characteristics of haiku may be more important than the 5–7–5 pattern when writing in English. Now, I have also begun to compose haiku in French, even though my knowledge of la belle langue, based on high school French, is inexpert. My intention in the present article is to urge Canadian poets to dare to have a go at writing haiku in whichever of our country’s official languages they did not learn first.
Please consider two of my haiku ideas, each presented in both French and English, which I believe work poetically in both languages:
la femme de ménage cleaning lady
en dehors de la classe de ballet outside the ballet class
très très gracieuse oh so lissome
Now, gracieuse is not the exact equivalent of lissome, and I did also consider either élégante or souple for my French haiku. I also tweaked the English last line, using oh so rather than very very. By the way, because French uses so many prepositions, articles, and partially voiced vowels, fretting about too precise a syllable count would be particularly limiting. That second line in the French haiku above could be tallied at either nine or ten syllables, yet it reads musically and does not seem excessively lengthy.
Here is the next example of a well-enough-matched pair:
l’espoir du dragon— a dragon’s wish—
que l’alimentation épicée that spicy food
favorise la longévité may favour long life
My French dragon here actually has a hope, while my English dragon has a wish. I make no apology for a poet’s discretion. I simply prefer the sounds of l’espoir and wish. Of course, not everyone may agree with me that both the French and English haiku are successful, but they ring true to me.
For the following pairs, though, the French version clearly flows best:
un jeu de billard a game of billiards
par les démolisseurs by demolition workers
sur une table fissurée on a cracked table
To my ear, the English version sounds like prose, and it conveys irony less well than the French version. I could continue working to improve the English version, but the French one pleases me enough that I hardly feel motivated to do so.
The point of presenting the previous case, and the next, is that it is appealing to discover that some ideas are better suited to one language than another. Though I haven’t given examples here of poetic ideas that worked better in English, I have written some like that, too.
Here again, I favour the French:
dans la pataugeoire in the wading pool
un papillon noyé a drowned butterfly
les enfants pleurent the children cry
There is more alliteration in the French version and a greater sense of pathos.
Even if you have only minimal knowledge of an official language of Canada’s that still beckons you to make some haiku attempts, do not despair. On-line translators and dictionaries can enable you to take up the challenge. I advise, though, that more than one such source should be used, if that is the approach you take, and they should be cross-checked. Otherwise, comical mistakes may spoil the effect of your poetry.
Gregory Skala
Nanaimo, BC
7 comments:
What a great idea! Thanks for sharing!
That must have taken a lot of effort to accomplish these parallel poems. Hats off to you for both the effort and the idea.
I red your post with interest and trust that many will take up the challenge R.M.NZ
The vast and enthusiastic world of haiku gambols under many tents. This one holds new and interesting and challenging possibilities, and hopefully will draw the attention of native French speakers who are also haikuisti and have not considered attempts in English.
I think these haikus are fun and really interesting. I'm glad someone saw fit to publish them. I like that you pointed out why you liked one language better, or why it "worked" better. Keep up the good and creative work!
I write haiku in French and since few years, ounce and a while, in English. I am also a HCanada member; we are few French speaking as a first language. What I find difficult in English : the too much meaning for a word (ex. spring, sole, honey, to get...) or the use of words like : in, out, by, for, cow... In French, grosso modo, one word, one meaning. It is true, in French we have a lot of articles, prepositions... As a haiku poet, we try to avoid articles, verbs and a one sentence haiku. I agree : it is difficult to write and read haiku when it isn't your first language. In both side, there is few people who try to do so. For that BRAVO ! I tried to make your haiku better, more fluent as an example of what I wrote in this message : "partie de billard / par des démolisseurs // table fissurée" or for a better or a stronger feeling if you change the verb by a noun or being more specific : "dans la pataugeuse / un monarch noyé // pleurs de mes enfants" Au plaisir!/Cheers
Bonjour à tous,
As a member of HCanada and as a participant in several international competitions, I have been writing English haiku for many years. Indeed, like most French-speaking haikuists, this is not new to us, because we have to translate often time our work. After a while, I even started to compose some directly in english.
In 2012, with the help of my friend Blanca Baquero (who writes also in both languages), one of my books was translated and edited at the same time in both languages : Ma lumière est une ombre - My sunshine is a Shadow. Recently, few friends of mine have revised my next tanka book : My teen's silence. It is quite a challenge to write in an other language, especially haikus because only a few words can be used making them more visible and meaningful.
En tant que membre de Haïku Canada et participante à des concours internationaux, j'écris des haïkus en anglais depuis plusieurs années. En effet, tout comme la plupart des francophones, ce n'est pas nouveau pour nous, puisque nous avons souvent à les traduire. Après un certain temps, j'ai même commencé à en écrire directement en anglais.
En 2012, avec l'aide d'une amie, Blanca Baquero (qui écrit aussi dans les deux langues), un de mes livres a été traduit et publié dans les deux langues en même temps: Ma lumière est une ombre - My Sunshine is a Shadow. Récemment, quelques-uns de mes amis m'ont aidé à réviser mon prochain ouvrage : My teen's silence. C'est vraiment tout un défi d'écrire dans une autre langue surtout des haïkus étant donné le nombre restreint de mots, augmentant leur importance et leur impact.
Anne-Marie Labelle
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