Sunday, 1 May 2011
some pre-election levity
The Men Who Would Be Mayors
In the 1980 Toronto Municipal elections I ran for the mayor of
Toronto, while my good friend Peter Flosznik ran for the mayor of North York. We were candidates of the False Nose Society of , sort of wannabe Rhinoceri. Our platform’s brilliant proposals, most sadly unfulfilled after over 30 years, await brave new politicians to implement them: Canada
Public transit: replace Metro’s car-clogged major transportation arteries with canals and public gondolas, supplemented by moving sidewalks on the canal banks powered by hot air from Metro Council.
Property tax reform: tax the churches, and with that money …
Help the unemployed: provide FREE BEER for the unemployed
Police headquarters: make the Barracks gay steam bath the new Metro police headquarters
Don Jail: turn it into the long-awaited convention centre for American tourists
Parks: appoint a dog as Parks Commissioner. Dogs use the parks more than people do and therefore know more about them.
Bylaws: repeal the bylaw of gravity
Metro Chairman: should be chosen by Russian roulette.
Don’t forget to vote tomorrow – for anyone but our dictator-in-waiting. If Harper doesn’t achieve a majority, we’ll truly have something to smile about when the polling booths close.